A Divine Valentine

Once a year on Feb 14, or St. Valentine’s Day, many of us put aside our facade of seriousness and reel in mushy sentimentality. We buy stalks of expensive red roses, heart-shaped chocolates or other keep-sakes and settle down to romantic candlelight dinners. Although we celebrate Feb 14 each year, not many of us know how St. Valentine's Day came about.

Some believe that it marks the day a Roman priest called Valentine (Valentinus) died for his faith in the early days of Christian history. Condemned by Emperor Claudius II for refusing to denounce his faith, he was beaten with clubs and stoned before being beheaded on Feb 14 AD 269. The story goes that St. Valentine had performed many miracles that saved the early Christians. He was thrown into jail where he again performed another miracle - he cured his jailor’s daughter, Julia, of blindness.

On the eve of his execution, St. Valentine wrote a farewell note to Julia and signed off with these memorable words “...from your Valentine”. Though it was just an ordinary note to a friend, it somehow led to the practice of sending romantic messages or cards to loved ones. This has become a tradition which is now part and parcel of St. Valentine’s Day.

According to a Hallmark greeting card highlighting “The legend of St Valentine”, the Christian martyr was buried at what is now the Church of Praxedes in Rome. It is said that Julia herself planted a pink-blossomed almond tree near his grave. Today, the almond tree remains a symbol of abiding love and friendship, according to the legend.

As St. Valentines day gets closer, people rush out to find the perfect gift or token of their love as a material way to tell those they love that they love them. Heart-shaped boxes of delicious candy; roses, the flower that shows life the best; cards; expensive dinners and jewelry are all are purchased, wrapped and presented to our loved ones. Heaven help the husband who comes home empty handed this day!

Spending the last ten years in ministry, I have seen and heard all too often the guilt and the sorrow at the death of someone whom we have proclaimed our love. Way too often I have found myself comforting someone weeping, ‘I wish I could have had the chance to tell him or her one more time how much I love them … or, I should have told them or showed them more how much I love them … but now I will never have the chance now.’

The funeral, the burial and sometimes for the rest of their lives, people never let go of the fact that they did not make sure the deceased knew they were loved. Guilt overwhelms so many and life becomes a perpetual mourning for the deceased who have gone from our earthly presence. ‘I wish I could tell them’ … or …’I wish they knew.’

But why do we wait to let those we love KNOW that we love them by our words and by our actions? Why do so many wait until a holiday like St. Valentine’s Day or birthdays or Christmas to make our love known? Why are material things used to tell someone we love them, instead of telling them and showing them daily our love?

Marriages are nearly always a joyous occasion for the couple, their families and friends. We stand in front of God and witnesses to publicly profess our love for each other, until death do we part. Then the years roll by and we no longer have that giddy feeling of love anymore. Our lives together become more mundane. Disagreements and stress cause us to hold onto hurts and to go to bed at night with anger in our hearts. That anger turns to distance. There is still love, but we only express that love when society and its holidays tell us we should.

Diamonds are forever …. Expensive furs allow us to brag about our love … material pleasure take over the emotional, the spiritual and even the physical expression of our love for each other. I pity the man who after years of marriage does not bring home a special gift to his loved one, especially if he forgot their last wedding anniversary.

Society today teaches us, and teaches our children, that love can be purchased for the right price, for the right gift. Gratuitous sexuality is now the norm, with no mention of love except as an exclamation of pleasure. In our society more than ½ of all marriages end in divorce. When people of the same-sex desire publicly proclaim their love to each other as the rest of society, they are told ‘NO’ for it will ruin the Sacrament of Matrimony. It seems to me that marriage is not under attack by same-sex couples, but by marriages that are loveless or love that is hidden under piles of bills, kid’s tuitions, mortgages, fancy expensive autos or a perverted sense of manliness or feminism. We have forgotten what we felt for each other when we first met or entered into a supposed loving relationship.

I heard a man once say that marriage should be like a business deal. After say ten years, the couple goes before an official, and decides if the marriage will continue for another ten years or to dissolve the relationship. I thought he was nuts! But, as I thought about it, the way marriages are breaking up in this country, it might be a good idea, saving everyone time and money that divorce can cost. Children could just pick a last name and a parent they want to be with. Simple but is it right?

Is true love something that can just be shut off, erased from the memory and the heart? I agree that not everyone is meant to be with the one they are with. Many factors could have brought them together, factors that no longer have any bearing on them being together. Abuse, infidelity and other factors drive many to leave the one they claimed to have loved. But, no matter what, if there was ever true love, there will always be a love for that person, the type of love just has changed. To say, ‘We fell out of love,’ like falling down a hill was never love in the first place. Love is eternal, as it comes from God, it has no beginning and it has no end.

There are different types and levels of love, the Scriptures and even modern day psychology tell us that. You love your parents, but you do not love them like you love your children. You love a friend, but that love is not the same as the love of your partner, at least it should not be. I love pizza, but that is not a love that could compare to the love of another person.

There is a love only God can have for us; there is a love that we can only have for God; there is a love that we are required to have for our neighbor; and there is a love that we can have only for our life partner.

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. – 1 Cor. 13 (NAB)

The greatest love of course:

For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him. – John 3:16-17

This St. Valentine’s day, express to those you love, how much you love them … use words, use actions and then, and only then, use material expressions. Do not forget to express your love every morning upon awaking and as your last action of the night. Be it your spouse, your parents, you kids …. If you love, make your love known, before you find that your earthly opportunity to express your love is gone.

To all the men: express your love in as many ways possible … but do not come home empty handed this Valentine’s Day and say, ‘Pastor Matthew said …!’ You are one your own if you do!